vedi napoli e poi mouri

Ask an Italian what they think of Naples and they'll either say: 'Napoli che bellissima' or 'Napoli che sporchissima!' The beauty or the cesspool of Italy. Glad everybody's in agreement then. The home to pizza, pickpockets and heaps of uncollected rubbish. They'll then reassure you that everybody you meet is out to either mug or shoot you and you'll probably come home in a body bag.

So with my imagination running wild I stuffed all my €uros in my bra, clutched my bag to my side and whole heartedly convinced myself that the man we were standing next to on the Metro was part of The Camorra, poised to abduct us into his underground mafia.

Taking a second to pause my mental episode of Gangs of New York, I realised I was in the most beautiful Metro station. A ginormous underground mosaic.

If Rome is the heart of Italy, then Naples is its soul.

The walls are plastered with graffiti and peeling posters.

And then you stumble across this majestic building.

Small trinket and antique shops overflow into the narrow cobbled streets.

Il corno portafortuna. The good luck charm of Naples, modelled after a chilli pepper.

Each and every doorstep, archway, spare inch of wall and floor space is filled by something sellable or other.

Makeshift pop up stalls in the tiny vicoli. There we were, perusing the jewellery to a faint buzzing sound. Then out of nowhere a vespa (meaning wasp in Italian) came hurtling towards us...

After countless similar near-death vespa experiences we needed to recollect our nerves and find some inner calm, so we headed to the waterfront. It was just the ticket.

Mount Vesuvius and some rowing boats

Soph even found some friends...

Then we went underground.

We're not normally the tour guide type but this wasn't an ordinary tour. Forty meters below the hustle and bustle of the city lies its 2400yr old foundations, the real heart of Napoli! Waving a standard italian arriverderci to health and safety you get to explore (via 40cm wide tunnels) the depth and history of the city by candlelight.

The architecture is a ramshackle mixture of Renaissance relics, Greco-Roman ruins and the remains of Mussolini's fascist regime.

Napolitan coffee is of a wake-you-from-a-coma strength.

Which is balanced out by the local pastry, Sfogliate, which is filled with cream.

Or the Babà which is soaked in rum.

If you're not sure what they are find a nice old man in a 'Napoli' hat to explain...

A friend recommended Sorbillo's, the pizza temple of Naples. No reservations but if the Napolitans are happy to queue for an hour to get a table, it must be worth the wait. Our top tip, head in at 7pm and beat the crowds.

Word on the street is that when in Naples, you should only ever order a Margherita or Marinara. Unwilling to put our eggs in one basket, or on one pizza, we went halfsies on a Margherita and a Capricciosa. Absolute tourist error! The Margherita was an outright winner.

There's a saying in italian, vedi Napoli e poi mouri. See Naples and then die. Because once you've seen its beauty and splendour you can die happily. That or you're likely to be killed in a Mafic cross-fire! It's simultaneously bellissima and sporchissima, like the 'real' Italy you imagine from the 60's. A perfect place to finish our Christopher Columbus expedition!

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